Diapers and 529 Plans - Scary Stuff

I've been reading a great series of posts from the members of the M-Network called Money Matters for All Ages. The posts go through the major life phases and for each provide financial advice and insight. I read the two posts related to being in your 20's, but I found that it did not really resonate with me. I think it may be that I "got out of the blocks" rather quickly in my life. Before turning 25 I was married, finished a masters degree, and bought a house. My income has surpassed the median household income for someone with an equivalent education, and I have a positive net worth. I've not done everything right (*credit card debt*), but my financial life seems very different than that of the average 24 year old.

When I read the two posts about being in your 30's they hit me like a ton of bricks. For reference (and a good read) they are The Chaotic Thirties and Personal Finance Advice for Your 30's. Immediately I saw strong similarities between myself and the two writers. Marriage and buying a home are game changing decisions that are wonderful improvements in your quality of life but can also be massive liabilities. Part of succeeding in your 30's (or 30-at-heart) is making sure to choose wisely. I would also add that success in both endeavors hinges on this bit of wisdom, "the love and elbow grease [that you put into them] will be returned 2-times over but neglect will ruin them." This advice was shared with me by someone much older and wiser than me (keep it in mind as Valentine's Day approaches).

I also feel the tide turning in my debt situation, and the train has started building steam in my savings. I am starting to think about what will be needed to make the next big leap in my career, into a management position. It all felt very familiar and easy to relate to when I read about these 30-somethings lives. However, one thing was completely alien to me and honestly made me start to worry.

Kids!

The idea of having children scares the crap out of me. Before you start thinking that I'm some kind of self-absorbed child-hater, I do want to have children. When I think about holidays or special occasions I see them as family activities. I can't imagine being in my 40's or 50's and not have a house full of family with which to gather. There are at least a dozen other reasons that I can think of that motivate me to have children, and my wife feels the same way. The only problem is I don't know how to fit it into the budget.

I feel that there are certain responsibilities that a parent has when they bring a child into this world. They are the things my parents did for me and my grandparents did for my parents. While I don't look down on people who make different choices about the type and amount of resources that are devoted to their children, I know that I will be disappointed in myself if I do not meet my own standards. The largest of these financial obligations I feel for my (potential) children are:

1. Their Own Bedroom in the Family Home
2. Reliable Transportation (eg late model used car at age 16)
3. Full Tuition, Fees, & Shelter for Undergraduate Studies
4. One Educational Trip Abroad
5. Fees and Equipment for Extra Circular Activities (sports, music lessons, scouts, ...)
6. Allowance Corresponding to Age & Household Contribution (chores)

In other words, I feel there is a financial obligation I have to my children in order for me to feel I have "done it right." The challenge is that none of this comes cheap. Right from the get-go there are cribs, changing tables, and tons of diapers. This, far more than retirement, seems like a nearly insurmountable expense. How will I manage to fund a 401(k), Roth IRA, sizable mortgage, AND a 529 plan?

To quote the blog Credit Withdrawl, "The transition from a Dual Income No Kids yuppie power couple, pulling down [relatively] huge amounts of money, to the Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage," is about the only financial thing these days that gives me heartburn (pass the TUMS).

None of my concerns change the fact that compared to everything else I have accomplished in my life being a parent will be far more rewarding. I have resolved myself that when my wife is ready to start having children, I'll dive in head first and do the best damn job I can. I know that if I wait until my spreadsheets say that I've got my money situation just right it will never happen. It just scares me A LOT!

Any comments, suggestions, or hate mail is welcomed. Let me know what you think!