Gift Spending: Am I Cheap?

First, let me start off by saying, "Happy Valentine's Day."   My wife and I have decided to postpone our V-day celebration until tomorrow, so for me today is just another day.  It will allow us to make our celebration a part of the weekend and enjoy the special day a little bit more.  It will also let us have the house to ourselves for a whole night without interruption.

When I start thinking about Valentine's Day the first thing that comes to mind is flowers, chocolate, and other gifts.  In my attempt to be responsible with my money I would prefer to minimize the emphasis on gifts and instead spend romantic time with my wife.  I don't like to buy flowers; they die.  I don't like to buy chocolates; they are consumable.  I don't like to buy other gifts much either!

Okay, so am I a jerk or what? 

In my family gifts were approached very gently.  My parents gave us gifts twice a year, birthdays and Christmas.  We did other special things for the minor holidays but not presents.  The gifts were not particularly lavish and not particularly stingy; $100 range for birthdays and $300 range for Christmas.  We were middle to upper-middle class and this seems reasonable to me still. 

In some years it would be a little more or a little less in order to fit the circumstances.  I know that the year my brother asked for a telescope my parents went all out.  Mom taught astronomy at the community college level and this was a veiled excuse for her to indulge.  I'm pretty sure they spent $500 that year for my brother's main gift, but in a way it was also a gift for the rest of the family too.  When my wife and I were getting ready to buy our house my parents gave us a very generous Christmas gift to buy furniture for the house.  In other years it is much less.

Our family did not stress gifts between siblings or from the children to the parents.  These gifts were normally either hand made or bought for less than $20.  We also did not buy gifts or expect to receive them from our extended family.  Most years (but not all) my grandparents would send between $10 and $20 for these occasions but never more.   As we got older and outgrew the traditional children's birthday party we did not exchange gifts with our friends either.  A phone call, card, or more recently an email, IM, txt, or Facebook poke is all that we might expect; even then it was not a big deal if someone forgot.

Now that you understand my background you might begin to understand why I feel that gifts are such a minor part of celebrating birthdays and holidays.  I never felt that there was anything wrong with this approach until my wife and I got engaged.  Her family is completely different.  Gifts are expected from each member of the family on a birthday and everyone buys everyone else gifts for Christmas.  My old Christmas budget of $50 for family gifts is now more like $500!  In her family, the price ceilings for each gift are about double what we ever spent in my family.  Each side of grandparents gives everyone $500 each year for Christmas and $250 for a birthday!  That is several times what I ever got. 

My wife also has a tradition of exchanging gifts with her closest friends on their birthdays.  She normally spends around $25 but if there is something special that catches her eye or if it is a milestone birthday like 16, 18, 21, 25, ... $50+ would be in the range of possibility.  My wife is a wonderful generous person and I love it, but getting accustom to her approach to gifts has been a difficult transition for me.  I feel like a cheapskate.

I'd like to hear what others think about gifts and how their family approaches the topic.  Thanks for reading.